I've Never Belonged in a Fruits Basket
by nolarin
Summary: What will happen when a long-gone Sohma returns home after five years in America? After her relationship with Shigure ended many years ago, it took her a long time to get over him. Now, will she fall for him all over again?
1. Home

She felt a bit like a spy, peering into their windows this late at night. But she just couldn't resist. She peeked in and smiled. Yuki sat reading at the table. Kyo was watching TV; it looked like the news. A young girl sat at the table with both of them, silently trying to immerse herself in what they were doing.

But there was still no sign of him.

'_Well, better to do this now when he's not here…' _she thought to herself. She took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare herself for what was to come. Before she could have any other doubts, she made her way up the steps to the front door where she knocked softly.

From inside, Yuki looked up from his book. He had heard a knock, but Kyo, who hadn't once looked away from the TV, obviously hadn't. Yuki sighed, standing up.

"What's wrong?" Tohru asked.

"There's someone at the door," Yuki smiled at her, making his way out of the room.

Outside, she stood a bit impatiently, wondering if she'd been loud enough. She wondered if this was such a good idea, if she should really be here. She looked behind her, considering just running away before they could answer the door. It was a very tempting option. However, she was given no more time, for the door slid open, revealing the silver-haired boy she'd known as a little child.

"Hi Yuki," she said, smiling at him.

He looked at her for a minute, studying her… He knew her, that was certain, but… Perhaps…

"Yuki?" a timid voice asked from inside the house.

Yuki, however, had not heard her. His eyes had gone wide and his mouth fell open as he stared at the woman in the doorway.

"S-s-s-s…" he stuttered, unable to get the words out. "S-sasaki? Is that you?"

"Hey. You've grown," Sasaki smiled at him.

"Y-yuki? Are you okay?" the timid voice asked again.

Sasaki peered behind Yuki to catch a glimpse of a short, brown-haired girl.

"Hi there, I don't believe we've ever met," she said, bowing to the shorter girl.

"N-no, I don't believe so," the girl replied, bowing even deeper. "I'm Tohru Honda, It's very nice to meet you!"

"Well, Miss Honda, I am Sasaki Sohma. I'm Yuki and Kyo's cousin."


	2. Shigure

Tohru's mouth fell open. Yuki still looked at her with surprise. Sasaki just looked between the two, wondering who should say something first.

"Hey, where the hell is everyone?" Kyo yelled from the other room.

Sasaki smiled at the sound of his voice. Without an explanation, she made her way toward Kyo. He was standing up, still watching the TV, but just about ready to go look for everyone.

Suddenly, Kyo felt weight on his shoulders. He turned to see a person with long blond hair, much shorter than he.

"What the hell?" he asked.

"You swear too much… still," she said, still hanging on him.

Kyo's eyes widened. He'd remembered someone, so many years ago, telling him the exact same thing. Someone he'd loved… And who'd loved him back.

"S-sasaki?" he stammered.

"You got it out a lot easier than Yuki did," she smiled, looking up at him, her green eyes shimmering with tears. "I've missed you guys."

Kyo turned around and hugged her tightly. She'd never been this small before, or perhaps he'd grown. He didn't know, but in her warm embrace, he didn't care.

"-away for a long time. I can't believe she's back," Yuki's voice could be heard down the hall.

Suddenly, a loud gasp broke the emptiness of the room. Sasaki and Kyo turned to see Tohru staring at both of them wide-eyed.

"How… How are… you two…" her eyes started to spin, her mind going a million miles an hour. "How are you two hugging? I've met all of the zodiac members, so… Are there more than I know about?"

"Miss Honda," Yuki tried to explain, walking up next to Tohru.

"Why don't I explain," Sasaki interrupted. Yuki nodded and led Tohru back to the table to sit her down. "Miss Honda, I've already told you that I'm Yuki and Kyo's cousin, but… well, there's more." She sat down as well, Kyo sitting beside her and Yuki sitting by Tohru. "You've met Hatori, right?"

"Yes," she said simply.

"Well, I'm Hatori's sister," she smiled at Tohru.

Tohru's eyes went even wider. "You are?" she asked.

"Uh-huh. I went to America a few years back," she skirted around the reason why, "and now I'm back here."

"Oh, well it's such a pleasure to meet you!" she said in a delighted voice. "Please, let me fix you something to eat!"

"I can help," Sasaki tried standing up.

"Oh, you really don't have to! I'm happy to do it!" she smiled, making her way into the kitchen.

"So… you're back," Kyo said.

"Of course she's back, or else she wouldn't be sitting here," Yuki retorted.

"Shut up you DAMN RAT!" he yelled.

"You're the one who's yelling, stupid cat," Yuki glared at him.

"Stop it," Sasaki said sharply, her soft voice getting harsh with them.

They both looked over at her, then at each other. Kyo sighed and sat down. Yuki looked away from him, turning to her instead.

"He's going to be home soon," he said.

"I know," Sasaki sighed, looking down at the table. "I have to do it though. I can't just see all of you and avoid him."

"Right," Yuki looked away, just as Tohru came bustling in.

"Here you are!" she smiled, setting a tray of food down in front of Sasaki.

"Wow!" she marveled. "Thank you so much!"

As Sasaki ate, Yuki and Kyo told Tohru a little more about her. About when she was young, how cool she was…

_Fwip_…

_Oh no, _Sasaki thought. _Here he comes._

"Was that the door?" Yuki asked.

"I think so," Tohru replied.

"Good evening all!" a loud yell from the front called.

"Yup, that's him," Kyo looked over at Sasaki.

"Tohru, I'm so hungry. Can I have some food?" he wined.

"Sure!" Tohru stood up just as he walked into the room.

Shigure looked at the new head in the room, but he could only see the person from the back. Curly blond hair tied back in a ponytail.

"And who do we have here? Tohru? Do you have a new friend?" he asked.

Sasaki turned her head, looking right into his eyes.

He took a step backwards as if he'd just been hit. Those penetrating green eyes had bored into his own thousands of times before. But he hadn't seen them in years. Could it be?

"Sasaki?" he asked hoarsely.

"Hello, Shigure."


	3. Strange

"Sasaki… What are you doing here?" Shigure asked.

"I'm back," Sasaki smiled at him.

"Here Shigure, you can take my seat and I'll go get you something to eat!" Tohru exclaimed, bounding into the kitchen.

"I'll help," Yuki and Kyo both said at the same time, glaring at each other as they walked into the kitchen, shutting the door behind them.

Shigure sat down, remaining silent for a long time.

"So, I've been reading your books," Sasaki tried starting a conversation.

"Oh? And what do you think of them?" he asked, just as eager to break the heavy, heavy silence.

"They're really good! I mean, they're a little smutty, but who ever said smutty was a bad thing?" she laughed. He laughed too, but that soon died away, leaving silence once again.

"You do know," he began, "that Akito-san's going to be very, very, very, very pissed when he finds out that you're here." She had, of course, thought about that before buying the plane ticket here. And again when packing her stuff. And again in the line at the airport. Then again on the plane.

"I know," she replied. "I realize it wasn't the smartest thing, but it's just been such a long time, and I've missed you all so much!"

"Does Hatori know you're here yet?" he asked, changing the subject.

"No," she shook her head. "I just came straight here from the airport."

"Here you are, Shigure!" Tohru said, bringing out Shigure's food.

"Thank you Tohru," Shigure smiled up at her. Then he turned back to Sasaki. "Do you want to call him?" he asked.

"I don't know… I've been trying to think of a more creative way to tell him than just calling him up. 'Oh, hey Hari. Yeah, I'm here at Shigure's house. Want to come see me?'" she said, holding a mock phone conversation.

"You could go see him," Yuki tried, coming back into the room.

"Yeah, but that's just as bad," she sighed, laying her head on the table. "I'm so tired."

"Well, why don't you just sleep here for tonight and you can figure out what to do in the morning," Yuki suggested.

Shigure cringed at the idea, but Sasaki picked her head up.

"You don't mind?" she looked around at all of their faces.

"Of course not!" Yuki laughed. "You're family."

"Thank you so much!" she said sincerely.

"You can sleep in my room!" Tohru declared.

"Oh no, I'm not doing that," Sasaki said. "Not that I'm disgusted to do that or anything, but I'm not taking your room. The couch is perfect for me."

"You really don't h-" Tohru began.

"Tohru, I'm fine! Thank you so much for your hospitality," she stood up, making her way to where she knew the living room was.

After the dinner dishes were done and the kitchen spotless, Tohru collected a small pile of blankets from the closet.

"Okay," Tohru bowed after making Sasaki a little bed on the couch. "If you need anything, come get me up! Good-night!"

"Night," Sasaki watched her run up the stairs. She looked around the room, noticing only one major difference from when she used to come here: it was **CLEAN!**

She sat on the couch, laying her head on the pillow. It had been so long since she'd been at this house, yet it seemed like she hadn't even left.

As she drifted off into a deep sleep after her long day, Shigure was making tea for himself in the kitchen. He sighed deeply, wondering how to reason with Hatori about Sasaki coming to his house before even her own brother's.

He took his tea with him through the main room toward his study, but stopped at the living room. She was sound asleep. Without really thinking, Shigure walked over to her and watched her sleep. Her lips were slightly parted, her hair haloed around her face. He looked at her for a long time, simply studying her features, before his thoughts reached his brain.

_You idiot, she's going to think you're a rapist or something! Still… she's so beautiful… God, I am an idiot._

He backed away from her, making his way toward his study. He set his tea down on the desk and searched around deep in on of the drawers before pulling out what he wanted. It was a picture. Shigure stood there smiling, holding a woman with her legs around his waist. She too was smiling at the camera, her head against his.

It had been a long time since he'd looked at that picture. Almost a year. Now, he looked at it with longing. He turned it over, finding the same message he always used to.

_Shigure,_

_I know life gets hard sometimes, but stick it out. You're so talented. Every day I'm with you, I feel like the luckiest person in the entire world. Don't let any of those critics letters get you down. I know you can do it!_

_Love,_

_Sasaki_


	4. Hatori

"YOU DAMN RAT!" Kyo yelled from in the kitchen.

Sasaki sat bolt upright in her makeshift bed on the couch. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot, having just been jerked out of her sleep.

She stood up and stumbled through the main room. She slammed the door open, causing an echo throughout the entire house. Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru all snapped their heads in her direction.

Tohru started shaking out of fear. Kyo, who had his hand clenched around Yuki's collar, dropped it immediately. Yuki just stared, wide-eyed.

"S-sorry," Yuki and Kyo both said at the same time.

Sasaki sighed. "It's fine, but if you wake me up like this tomorrow, every nerve in your body will wish you hadn't," she yawned, going to sit at the table.

"S-sasaki-san?" Tohru asked. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that for me, Tohru-chan!" she smiled back.

"Well, I'm almost finished making it. Do you want some?" she asked, pushing for a yes.

"Alright," Sasaki replied. She smiled at how caring Tohru was. No wonder everyone liked having her around.

Meanwhile, Shigure slept soundly in his bed, well accustomed to the yelling in the morning, never once waking from his slumber. He was in a deep sleep, dreaming of a time far away…

_Shigure pulled the young girls face closer to his, slipping his tongue into her mouth._

_She reached out, ripping his suit jacket from his body. Her soft fingers slid along his skin as she unbuttoned the shirt beneath. He shivered as her cold fingers slid down his chest, yet never removing her lips from his._

_After successfully unbuttoning her blouse, he ended the kiss, sliding down to remove her bra. His lips kissed her skin._

"_Ohhh… Shigure!" she cried out softly._

"_Sasaki," he whispered against her skin._

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!**

"What the hell?" he yelled, sitting bolt upright. His breathing was fast, like he'd just run a marathon. "Oh, shit," he said, realizing the dream had slightly aroused him.

"I wonder if Shigure-san's up yet?" Tohru wondered aloud back at the table, picking up a bit of rice.

"Tornadoes won't wake up that log," Sasaki said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at the image of Shigure being swept up into a tornado, fast asleep.

"Sasaki-chan, that's so cold!" a shrill voice called from the stairs. "I was nice enough to let you stay in my home and this is the thanks I get?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Well, now I'm glad I called Tori-san," he smirked.

"**YOU WHAT!"**

"It's true! I told him Tohru-chan fell and bruised her delicate thigh, then when I tried to examine her, Yuki-kun and Kyo-Kyo gave me a concussion. He then replied, 'I'll be there for Honda-san in 15 minutes'," he concluded.

"Damn it, Shigure! Why did you have to do that?" Sasaki asked angrily.

"Because I knew if I didn't you wouldn't ever see him today," he replied.

Sasaki looked up, stunned. Instead of looking down on her smugly like he'd just done something bad, he looked at her with concern. '_Does he still know me that well?' _she asked herself.

A knock sounded from the front.

"Oh, that's Tori-san now!" Shigure cheered.

"What?" Sasaki asked sharply.

Without another word, however, Shigure took off toward the door. Sasaki sighed, clearly irritated. She decided to just stay sitting and let Hatori see her.

"I meant Honda-kun's injuries," a deep voice came from the door.

"Oh, well she's doing alright, but I'm in great pain, Haa-san! They refuse to stop abusing me," Shigure wined, entering the room.

"Well, let me-" Hatori cut himself off. Just like Shigure yesterday, he could only see the back of Sasaki's head. "Who's this?"

Sasaki turned, showing him her face. "Haa-chan…" she said softly.

His eyes widened, realizing without hesitation that it was Sasaki. Her sweet face had given him comfort so many times when he'd needed it the most.

"You're back," he said.

"Yup," she responded.

"Is Honda-kun really hurt?" he asked Shigure.

"No, that was just my clever ploy to get you here. And I must say it worked out-" but Hatori was no longer listening to Shigure ramble, for he'd already taken a seat next to his sister.

"When did you get back?" he asked.

"L-last night," she answered.

"Why didn't you call me then?"

"I-I'm sorry Hari-kun, but I was-"

"I'm glad you're back," Hatori interrupted her. She looked up at him with shimmering green eyes. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Hari-kun," Sasaki responded, looking away.

"Why'd you leave?" Kyo asked suddenly. Sasaki, Hatori, and Shigure had almost forgotten that Kyo, Yuki, and Tohru were still in the room.

"What?" she asked.

"Why. Did. You. Go?" Kyo asked more slowly.

"I-" she tried, unable to force the words out. A silence ensued. "I had to."

"Why?" he asked again.

"Akito was jealous of me," she said softly, her breath catching in her throat.

"Why?" he asked yet again.

"Because I was always with them," she said, gesturing toward Shigure and Hatori. "He thought I led a normal life and it wasn't fair."

"Jealous?" Yuki asked.

"Uh-huh. From the start of my life, even before he was born, he probably hated me," she sighed.

"What do you mean?" Yuki looked quizzically at her.

"Okay, well, it starts at the beginning…"


	5. Siblings

**Note: **Sasaki isn't really telling this entire story; she's just giving them the basics. I just thought it was important for the reader to know all the details. She's not giving the details, but they're in here so everyone can understand a little bit about her past!

* * *

_When Hatori was born, of course his mother hated him. She couldn't hold him or love on_ _him like a regular mother could._

_So, when she had a daughter a year later, of course she was thrilled. Now she had a little person she could hold whenever she wanted. However, that changed when the little girl was about a year old. _

_She was walking toward her mother and somehow managed to trip…crashing right into Hatori._

_Of course, she the mother ran over there, she expected to find her daughter and a seahorse, but was shocked to see that both her children were fine._

_It was never explained to anyone how this could have happened. Some assumed that it could have been because she was the sibling of a Zodiac member, but some had siblings who were normal, so there was a slight flaw to that plan. Others assumed that there was a special gene carried by the children's parents that Sasaki and Hatori had shared, but Sasaki had not gotten the full-blown effects yet. Even still, some had always assumed there was more to it than that. Something the children's mother refused to tell them..._

_As Hatori and Sasaki grew a few years older, their parents gradually removed themselves from their lives, attempting to involve the children in as many activities as possible on order to live the lives of their own that they had always wanted. Their children had been mistakes--but only to them. Eventually, Hatori told his parents that he would like to take care of himself and Sasaki if they could receive support from the Sohma family. To Hatori, life was far more enjoyable without his parents there than when they were with him. So, after some contemplation, Hatori and Sasaki were left to live in the family's house and their mother and father moved to the main complex where they could live out their independence._

_Hatori had been childhood friends with two other Sohma boys his age--Shigure and Ayame Sohma. When they were finally able to live on their own, Hatori allowed the boys to his house more often, and there they met Sasaki, whom they adored. She became like a sister to them, and they were very rarely far from one another. They enjoyed her company just as much as they enjoyed Hatori's, so they seemed to make Hatori and Sasaki's abode their "home away from home."_

_A few years later, it was easy to tell the difference between the two Sohma's. Hatori was a straight-A student, quiet, and responsible. He was tall and hated the fact that he attracted so many girls. He was stoic and quite brand when it came to stating the facts about things._

_Sasaki, however, also got A's, but only after the principal talked teachers into it. She was often claimed to be "disrespectful" to them even though she was merely speaking her mind. She was short and, in order to avoid her brother's situation of attracting members of the opposite sex, wore bras that were too tight in order to make her breasts look smaller._

_When Hatori, Shigure, and Ayame were to enter their second-year of high school and Sasaki was to enter her first, she was alerted that her classes weren't challenging enough and that she was being moved up to second-year with Hatori. __When she did, she had an even harder time concealing her blossoming womanhood to the school and many of the boys began to take notice of her._

_Then came the dance. Everyone in the school was invited and it was decided that all of the Sohma boys would escort Sasaki._

_She refrained from putting her dress on until the day of the dance. When she finally did, she realized that it was useless now to try to hide herself. The dress was far too revealing. She looked into the mirror at herself for nearly an hour, putting on make-up, then trying to pull the dress up, and continuing this ritual over and over again._

"_Sasaki!" Hatori finally called up to her. "Shigure and Ayame are here. Do you plan to be done before the dance is over?"_

_After one final look in the mirror, Sasaki dragged herself out of the bathroom and made her way down the stairs._

"_It's about t-" Hatori started, but cut himself after catching sight of her. She looked down to see all of their jaws hanging wide open._

"_Thanks," she said sarcastically, pulling a coat over herself. As they all made their way out the door, they didn't see a dark pair of eyes, full of jealousy, watching them as they headed toward the school…_


	6. Accidents and Promises

"So then, Akito was jealous of you because you were Ayame, Hatori, and Shigure's friend?" Tohru asked, trying to piece it all together.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," Sasaki shrugged.

"That's terrible!" Tohru exclaimed.

"I-I'm sorry, okay?" Kyo said reluctantly, turning his head.

"It's okay, Kyo-kyo!" Sasaki smiled at him. The nickname made him growl, but he didn't reprimand her for it. "Excuse me for a minute." With that, she stood up and made her way into the kitchen to get a drink of water.

Shigure watched her small frame walk through the doorway, a question burning on his mind.

"I'll be right back," he stated, standing up and leaving through a different door, but backtracking and making his way into the kitchen.

She didn't hear him come in, nor did she see him come up right behind her, but when Sasaki turned, she came face-to-face with Shigure, or rather face-to-chest.

She gasped loudly. "Shigure, you scared the hell out of me! What are you doing?" she whispered.

"That's a lie and you know it," he said abruptly.

"What?" she asked.

"Why you left!" he scolded.

Her eyes softened and her face fell. She turned her face from his, trying to think of what to say.

"I'm not going to tell them that when they don't need to know," she replied.

"Sasaki!" he tried.

"No," she uttered, shaking her head. She pulled herself away from him and made her way back into the main room.

All that night, she couldn't help but feel watched, but when she looked around, no one was watching her… but that was when she looked.

After bidding Hatori goodnight, everyone headed to bed for the night: first Yuki and Kyo, then Tohru and Sasaki.

But Sasaki couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and tried and failed miserably. So, she sat up and went into the kitchen to try to make something to put her to sleep, only to see Shigure there, looking for something to eat.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, making him jump nearly a foot in the air.

"I'm hungry," he stated.

She rolled her eyes and put the kettle on the burner to heat her tea. She then turned to see him looking from a package of instant rice to the microwave, then back. It was pretty funny until he took the whole thing of rice, threw it in the microwave, and started cooking it.

"Jesus, Shigure!" Sasaki yelled, pulling the rice from the machine.

"What?" he asked.

"Are you _completely _moronic?" she asked as if talking to… well, a dog.

"No," he replied sheepishly.

So, Sasaki poured the rice into a bowl with water and put it back in the microwave to start cooking it again.

An awkward silence ensued while they each waited for something to finish. The rice was first, so Sasaki took it out, stirred it and handed it to him.

"Thanks," he said softly. When he reached out, his hand accidentally went around her's on the bowl. For only a second, he savored the contact of his skin against her's, as brief as it was.

She looked up at him, catching his eyes for the shortest moment before pulling her hand away and leaving him to hold it.

Her tea was done, so she took off the burner, put it in a mug, and turned to see him watching her intently.

"Sasaki-" he started.

"Shigure, don't!" she scolded.

"Sasaki, I'm sorry, I never meant to-" he tried again.

"No, Shigure, not now. After five years, you can't just change your mind!" she yelled, storming out of the kitchen. She went into the living room, but found that she couldn't make herself comfortable, so she went up to the roof.

After climbing up there, she set her tea down and lay back, looking at the millions of stars in the sky. Suddenly, her mind made it's way back to her memories and she wrapped her arms around her thoughts.

"_You know, I heard that each star is someone looking down on someone else in this world," 20-year-old Shigure said on his back. "For some odd reason, I have to doubt that," 19-year-old Sasaki replied. _

"_Why?" Shigure asked defensively, propping himself up on his elbows and looking over at her on her back as well._

"_If they're up there having a good old time, why would they want to look down to see one person?" she asked._

"_That's what love is," he smirked at her._

"_No one's looking down on me, I can tell you that much," she murmured._

"_For some odd reason, I have to doubt that," he mocked her. "But who cares! Tell you what, if I get up there before you, I promise I'll always look down on you, but you have to do the same. Deal?" he asked, extending his hand._

"_You're serious?" she asked, looking over at him again. She smiled. "Deal," she shook his hand._

_Suddenly, he pulled her by the hand, flipping her onto her stomach so she was lying on top of him. He captured her lips in his, snaking one arm around her waist. His tongue begged for entrance into her mouth, which she allowed. Her hair fell around the two of them, closing them into their own little dimension. It seemed like only they existed in their world…_

Present-Sasaki's eyes opened and stared up at the stars. How she longed for those days when she could just lay up here for hours with him at night and just watch the stars go by.

She missed him. As much as she hated to admit it, she missed waking up with him in the morning. She missed being with him… Living with him… Loving him…

She sat up. But it was too late for him now. It had taken her five years to find the courage to come home. She wasn't just going to quit now. She lay back again, finding herself tired. Her eyes closed, locking herself away for another day, keeping all she held inside locked there.

With a final thought, she felt herself flying off into the realm of sleep on that silent rooftop:

_From these that my own company detest_

_And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow's eye_

_Steal me awhile from mine own company…_


	7. Attack

_Night had long since fallen over the Sohma house. Sasaki was now searching to property for Shigure or Hatori, but was unsuccessful. She soon found herself in the main house, scanning every room for any sign of life other than the maids. Nothing._

_"Oh, Sasaki, there you are!" a maid called, approaching her. "Dear, Akito would like to see you in his room."_

_"Oh, um… okay," she responded hesitantly. Since when had Akito ever **wanted **to see her?_

"_Follow me," the maid said, turning toward his room._

_Sasaki quickly followed the maid the short distance to Akito's room, where she was left alone. She opened the door slowly and stepped inside. The room was dark, the only light visible outside from the few houses where light poured from the windows._

"_Ah, Sasaki, so nice of you to join me," Akito's sharp, even voice said from near the large window. "Come in, sit down."_

_She did as she was told and took a seat in front of him, her eyes trying to make out his face._

"_How've you been?" Akito asked in a pleasant tone._

"_What do you want, Akito?" Sasaki asked, his gentle demeanor not fooling her._

"_So hasty. Fine then," he said, rising from his place on the floor. He made his way slowly toward her, then slid around her and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I know, Sasaki. How long did you think you would be able to hide it from me?"_

_Sasaki froze, her blood turned to ice. "Kn-know about what?" she asked, wondering if perhaps she was wrong._

_Akito gave a small chuckle… And suddenly Sasaki felt a cold, searing pain diagonally across her back. She gave a sharp cry and lurched forward onto her forearms. She felt the warm blood ooze down her back. Akito grabbed her hair and, with a sharp tug, pulled her up to his height. She let out a small yelp._

"_Shigure is mine. All of the Zodiac is mine. Not yours, and you will NOT take them from me," Akito hissed in her ear._

"_Th-they're not… your property," she whispered._

_She had just made the worst mistake of her entire life._

_Akito grew enraged, throwing her back to the floor, this time on her back, and began to slash at her wildly with a knife he'd kept concealed behind his back. At one point she thought she'd heard a scream from the door, but she was too busy trying to fight back. She could, of course, do nothing, except for once when she'd thrown her elbow forward, colliding with Akito's eye, only angering him more. She became numb to the pain after a while._

_"You bitch!" Akito screamed as he attacked her. "You ugly little whore! Do you think Shigure will really want to keep you now that he knows how easy you are? Who wants a fat blond bimbo, anyway? It's no wonder your parents never loved you! They were always trying to push you out of their lives onto other people! Didn't want you to be **their **problem anymore! And Hatori only takes care of you out of obligation! He wishes you would have never been born, maybe then his parents would've given him the attention he wanted that **you** got instead! You're a freak! Want to be like the rest of them, that's why you stay! But they **hate** you! THEY HATE YOU! I'll make you ugly for the rest of your life now, and everyone else will know it too! That is, unless I kill you now! You stupid-"_

_Suddenly, he was lifted off of her, and gentle hands lifted her up. It was Hatori. She couldn't see him, but his voice was unmistakable._

"_H-h-haa-ch-" she tried, but couldn't get the words out._

"_Don't try to talk, you'll be alright soon," he said softly._

_She could hear Akito screaming after them, demanding Hatori come and care for his black eye, but he wasn't listening. _

_And everything went black…_


	8. Erase the Past

_"Things without remedy should be without regard. What's done is done." And yet… we wish so highly to make those things that we have done remedial… To take back what we've said… To erase what we have done…_

In the end, no matter what happens, all you will be left with is your memories. It won't matter to you what you owned, but what you were able to do in the short time you had. Everyone has different memories—special memories, favorite memories, sad memories—but having them is what makes you human. The best and worst part, though, is that you can't forget your memories—those that you would never want to forget and those that you desperately wish you could.

When Sasaki remembers her life at the Sohma house, she tries to forget the bad memories and only focus on the happy ones, but its impossible. With every happy memory of success comes another of failure; with every day she was happy comes another day she was not…

With every memory of love, there is another of loss…

So, she instead pushes those memories, for now, into the back of her mind. It's a new day, and she wants to make some more good memories.

She sat down at the table across from Yuki and Kyo.

"Good morning!" she said cheerily.

"Eh," both replied at the same time.

"Oh, come on, where's your energy? It's a new day! We need to throw caution to the wind and get pumped!" she exclaimed.

"…Eh…"

She sighed, defeated, just as Tohru entered the room with plenty of food.

"Oh, good morning Sasaki!" she exclaimed happily.

"Now there's some enthusiasm!" Sasaki laughed.

Tohru placed the food onto the table and sat down between the boys.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she realized. "I was supposed to wake Shigure up in time for breakfast this morning!"

"Oh, I'll get him," Sasaki sighed, standing up. "And before you argue, I'm already up, so I'll go."

Tohru sighed, deciding not to argue this time.

"That's a good girl! You three can start eating if you'd like!" she called before ascending the stairs.

Meanwhile, Shigure slept soundly, dreams filling the crevices of his mind once again…

Shigure silently slid the door open, trying not to disturb the silence of the house. It was late. He checked his watch to find that it was nearly 2 a.m. There had been a car accident on the road on his way home, so there was traffic. He slid his shoes off and made his way into the den.

_He was almost sure that she would've been asleep, so he passed through the kitchen and to the den to head up the stairs. However, as his eyes scanned the den, he saw a head of dark hair sitting away from him in his chair._

_He stepped quietly over to her, careful to keep his footsteps silent. He slid his arms around her neck in a soft hug._

"_How'd it go?" Sasaki asked in her soft, melodic voice, nit even turning around._

"_Fine," he said passing it off. He saw one of his books in her lap. "Rereading?" he asked._

"_No, this is the fifth time," she laughed, as she felt his arms move now to around her waist, his head on her's._

"_Seriously, how'd it go?" she asked in a slightly more demanding tone. Her head turned upward and her emerald eyes peered up at him._

"_Fine," he said again._

"_Shigure!" she demanded, standing up and staring right at him._

"_They're going to publish it," he sighed, smiling at her._

"_SHIGURE!" she cried, this time much happier._

_She ran toward him, throwing herself into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and grabbed her around the middle, surprised at her reaction. She pressed her lips to his in a long, passionate kiss._

"_Shigure," she said softly, pulling away… "Shigure…"  
_

"_Shigure…"_

"Shigure! Shigure! Wake the hell up!"

As his mind cleared and his eyes opened, Sasaki came into focus, standing at the doorway with her arms crossed. He sat up. Why did his dreams always have to end before they got to the good stuff?

"Shigure, Tohru says it's time for breakfast and you wanted her to wake you up for it," Sasaki said.

"Yes, I wanted TOHRU to come wake me up," he responded in an irritated tone.

"Well fine then, next time I'll just let you fuckin' sleep. Forgive the disturbance," she said through her teeth, sarcasm dripping from every word. She slammed his door and walked away, leaving him alone.

Since the night on the roof, Sasaki and Shigure had been acting very strangely toward each other. When they weren't mad, they were barely speaking, and when they did they sounded cold. Then, when they were mad, all of Japan knew it! Doors slammed, they yelled, on one occasion Shigure even broke a vase.

Downstairs, Yuki, Kyo and Tohru looked back and forth at one another.

"Stupid dog," Yuki and Kyo muttered in unison.

At least that they agreed on. Sasaki was rarely ever angry, and when she was, it wasn't usually that bad. Swearing was one thing, but no, you REALLY had to piss her off to get her to start yelling and slamming doors. They both knew that Shigure had done something to piss her off—probably not today, but he did.

Sasaki ascended the stairs, made her way into the kitchen and sat herself at the table. Her shoulders slumped and her face hit the table. Yuki and Kyo watched her (as Tohru had returned to finish the rest of the food). She looked up at them, her chin still resting on the table.

"What?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," Yuki said softly, shaking his head.

Kyo, on the other hand, said nothing. He looked at her face. Her face itself looked thin and slightly pale, and her eyes had developed small, barely-noticeable shades of dark underneath.

He looked away as Tohru reentered the room with the rest of the food. At the same time, Shigure entered and sat himself down opposite Sasaki, Yuki and Kyo. Sasaki lifted her head, but the almost sad look on her face didn't change.

Throughout the meal, Yuki and Kyo shot death-glares at Shigure, catching him off-guard. Why were they mad at him? He had no idea, but they certainly did.

After the meal was over, Tohru and Sasaki began to clean up the table.

"Here Miss Honda, let me do that," Yuki said, standing up.

"Oh, no, please, go sit, relax!" she smiled.

Yuki sighed, knowing that arguing wouldn't work. He left, and Kyo and Shigure remained at the table while the girls cleaned up around them. When Sasaki reached for his plate, Shigure pulled it away from her.

"Shigure, give me the damn plate," she demanded.

"I can get it," he retorted.

Sasaki sighed, whipped around and returned to the kitchen. Kyo shook his head, standing up.

"You're an idiot," he told Shigure before walking into the den.

'_I know,'_ he thought to himself.

Tohru and Sasaki, after finishing the cleaning, headed into the den where Yuki and Kyo sat silently. Tohru took a seat next to Yuki while Sasaki sat herself in the chair with Kyo. In the few minutes that followed, they learned of a fire in a warehouse up near Tokyo, an oil spill off the coast of the U.S. and the rain later on in the day.

"I'll be right back," Sasaki said, rising up from the chair and making her way back through to the kitchen.

She got a cup from the cabinet for water, and while she was standing at the sink, Shigure walked in. She looked over at him, then back at the sink. Shigure watched her for a minute, forgetting why he came in.

"What?" she asked, turning toward him. She sounded thoroughly annoyed with his staring.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely after a slight pause.

Her expression softened. "I know you are. And were last time, and the time before that, and the time before that!" she explained.

"I don't even know what I did!" he exclaimed.

"Shigure, I'm so tired of this!" she cried, throwing her cup in the sink.

"What?" he asked.

"THIS! Over and over again! I'm sick of it!" she exclaimed, trying to push past him.

He stopped her. "Don't," he said simply.

"You're not going to stop m-" she started, but was interrupted midway.

Shigure grabbed her and crushed his lips to her's. He couldn't stand it, that feeling of being separated from her anymore. He needed to feel her.

For a minute, she did nothing. She was torn. This went against everything she'd made herself do to forget about him…

But she wanted to kiss him back. She yearned for it, the feeling of him, so she just let him kiss her. She felt his tongue begging for entrance into her mouth, and her eyes opened wide. She shoved him away, a slightly horrified look on her face.

"Sasaki-" Shigure tried.

"No…" she whimpered, shaking her head, "No, I… I can't… Not… No!"

And she ran. Out of the house, through the trees and toward… wherever her feet would carry her.

Shigure stood there, taking the yelling from Yuki and Kyo. He wasn't listening.

All he could think about… was her.

_'I love you…'_


	9. Follow

_Somehow it seems that the things we don't want to remember are the things that plague us most. Those memories that you try to push away will inevitably be the ones that you dream of..._

As Sasaki came to a halt nearly two and a half miles from Shigure's house, the house they once shared together, the one they planned to make all of their memories in, these memories came creeping back into the conscious part of her mind. Memories of Shigure—the warmth of his body, the feel of his skin on hers, the feeling of safety and protection she had in his arms…

She tried valiantly to push those memories out, or at least back, and forget everything. Her mind was brimming over—she could't take it.

Meanwhile, back at the house…

"SHIGURE, you IDIOT! Why did you kiss her?!" Kyo exclaimed.

"Jesus, Shigure, do you ever even think about what you're going to do before you do it?" Yuki reprimanded.

"What the hell?! SAY SOMETHING!" Kyo yelled at him.

Shigure, now sitting at the table across from Tohru (who merely watched in shock and horror, helpless to stop the fighting), looked sharply up at the boys. The look on his face froze them instantly.

"You'll never understand… At least… I hope you'll never have to understand," Shigure sighed, turning his head downcast. His wanted to see if he could burn a hole through the table just by looking at it.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Kyo yelled. "Hey, you don't-"

"Kyo, please stop," a sweet voice said behind him.

He turned abruptly to see Tohru standing there, her hands fidgeting with the pleats of her apron. Shigure was shocked. Tohru was standing up for him!

"Shigure," Tohru tried meekly, "you… you n… you need to go find her," she forced out, looking directly into his eyes.

Shigure's eyes caught hers and he knew how right she was. He shot up from the table and made his way toward the door.

'_Thank you, Tohru,' _he thought. _'Thank you…'_


	10. Lies and Truth

'_The destruction of the past is perhaps the greatest of all crimes.' Without our pasts, we are nothing… We are incomplete…_

Ayame had decided to close his shop for a day. He wanted to catch up on some back-orders, maybe paperwork… But mostly he just wanted to spend some quality time with Hatori. He'd somehow managed to find a day when Hatori had a few free hours, so he jumped at the chance of having him over.

He sat at one of the couches in his office with a cup of tea, simply waiting for the arrival of the grand maestro. Imagine surprise when, instead of seeing Hatori walk through his office doorway, he saw Sasaki.

He sat there for a moment, just stunned beyond belief. This was one of the very few times in his life when he was without words. He hadn't seen her in years, and here she was.

"Hi," she said softly.

That simple word caused Ayame to snap back to reality. He leaped from his seat and bounded toward her, catching her in a backbreaking hug.

"SASAKI-LOVE, it's been far too long!" he exclaimed.

"Y-yes but… A-a-aya-ch-chan… you-you're hurting m-me," she breathed.

"Forgive me dear! But it's been so LONG!!!!!!" he cried, releasing her.

His face was stamped with the smile of a drunken man, but it soon vanished when Sasaki returned the smile, if it could be called that…

"What's wrong?" Ayame asked, pulling her toward the couch where they both sat.

"It's… nothing," she tried, but chocked midway.

"Sasaki-dear, what happened," he asked, a sincere look upon his face.

"It's just… I'm so happy I'm home, believe me… I wanted to see you all so badly… But…" she shook her head, looking away from Ayame.

"What?" he asked.

"…Why is it… Why is he… The one I wanted—want—to see the most?" she looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"Oh, sweetheart," he muttered, pulling her into a warm embrace.

She leaned into him, crying into is chest. He had always been the one she confided in. The three boys had always had their set place—Hatori was the brother, Ayame was the confidante, and Shigure… well, you know what he was…

"Sasaki… You…" Ayame tried, not really sure how to put it. "There's a reason…"

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up at him intently.

"There's a reason why you want to see him the most… We both know why… You love him, and you always will…" he explained.

"I know," she sighed, turning her head. "But why? Why do I have to love him? I should hate him! I should HATE HIM for what he's done to me!" she cried, the tears streaming down once again. "But I can't… Why?" she sobbed, crying into his chest again.

"Because it's never mattered to you how many bad things he's done to you," a voice not Ayame's said from the doorway. Sasaki turned to see Hatori leaning against the doorframe. "You're able to make the good things outweigh all of the bad things… Because you love him," he explained.

"But he said it himself… He told me… After I came out of the hospital, he said he didn't love me… So, why can't I forget?" she asked softly.

Hatori came forward, sitting down on her other side.

"Sasaki, there's… There's something we've never told you before…" Hatori began.

"Hatori!" Ayame scolded. "We promised Shigure…"

"It doesn't matter anymore… She needs to know," Hatori said.

"What?" Sasaki asked, looking back and forth between the two.

"Okay," Hatori began. "You do remember the hospital after the incident? Well, you were in a coma for nearly four days, and at first I wouldn't let Shigure go to see you… I wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle seeing you like that. But… The day before you woke up, I had to go back to the main house… And Shigure found his way into your room…"

"I was there, I let him in," Ayame took over. "I watched him for a while, but I don't think he saw me… He just watched you sleep for a few minutes… Then something came over him. He started to kiss you and cry at the same time. I wondered if I needed to go in there and stop him, but I figured I shouldn't…"

"That's when I came back," Hatori continued. "He stopped and just laid his head on you… I had almost thought he'd fallen asleep… But then he sat up and pulled something out of his pocket… It was… An engagement ring…"

"No," Sasaki breathed, her eyes widening and her face falling.

"The night of the incident… That was where he was—looking for you," Hatori continued. "To ask you… I went into the room then… And he looked up at me and just started to sob again. I didn't know what to do…"

"Shigure…" Sasaki whispered.

"Sasaki…" Ayame said softly. "It was a lie. He told us that he was going to tell you… That he didn't love you. He thought it would get you to forget about him… But it was a lie," Ayame explained.

"I…I have to… go…" she choked.

"Let's go," Hatori said, standing up. "Come on."

Meanwhile, back at the house, Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru sat at the table playing cards.

"Kyo-kun, do you have any eights?" Tohru asked.

"Nope," Kyo sighed.

"You're supposed to say go fish, stupid cat," Yuki scolded. "Miss Honda, do you have any eights?" Yuki smiled.

"Darn," Tohru laughed, handing her card over.

"You suck at this, don't'cha?" Kyo laughed.

"I'm sorry," Tohru said sheepishly.

Suddenly, the door opened, and slowly Shigure made his way into the dining room and dropped down at the table.

"Couldn't find her?" Kyo asked, slightly worried.

"No," Shigure murmured, rubbing his temples.

"Well, where else could she be?" he asked more urgently.

"If I knew that, she'd already be here!" Shigure yelled.

Again, the door opened, and more footsteps echoed down the hall. Shigure stood up, wondering if it was Sasaki. He saw Ayame and Hatori behind him. When they both reached the kitchen, the parted and revealed Sasaki. She'd been walking behind him.

"Sasaki, you're o-" Shigure began.

She'd already begun walking toward him before he'd started speaking. He was cutoff by a deafening smack that echoed throughout the room. Shigure held his stinging face, staring at Sasaki. Everyone was! The card game had ceased. Even Ayame and Shigure looked a little afraid of her.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she asked softly after a few minutes silence.

Shigure just looked on questionably for a moment, watching her eyes fill with tears. Then it hit him. His eyes widened as he looked toward Ayame and Hatori.

"You told her," he stated in disbelief.

"And I'm glad they did," she interrupted, catching his gaze again. "Shigure, I…" she paused. "It hurt so much more… to think you didn't love me, than anything Akito ever did… You should've at least told me."

"I couldn't…" he tried. "I didn't want to hurt you even more than I already had…"

"That's the thing," she interjected. "I don't ever remember you doing anything to me until you said that you didn't love me-"

"It was my fault you got hurt! Akito heard from a maid that I was planning on asking you to marry me! It was my fault!" Shigure exclaimed.

Yuki and Kyo's jaws both dropped hearing that.

"No… It wasn't… You couldn't do anything about Akito… But… you could've loved me… Instead you left me. You lied to me… And still you came back for more…"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. He knew that would come back to him. "I couldn't… I couldn't stop thinking about you… I'm sorry…"

"Shigure, I never stopped thinking about you. Not even after I left," she whimpered. "You were everything to me. I'm sorry," she murmured, this time addressing everyone in the room. "I won't be a problem anymore."

And with that, she turned on her heels and ran out the door. Everyone except Shigure attempted to follow her, shouting her name, but she was already gone. Shigure knew where she would go, but couldn't bear tracking her down; not now. Instead, he retreated from the room into his study, closing the door behind him. He dropped down next to the desk, buried his face in his arms and began to sob. He had never meant to hurt her—the woman he loved so much—and yet he had done exactly what Akito wanted of him. His mind began to flood with memories…

Sasaki finally stopped running at a small clearing where she collapsed at the foot of the tallest tree planted right at the center of it. Her sobs seemed to echo off of the trees, but no one was near enough to hear them. The pain she felt was intolerable. To know that he could still love her the way he once did should have elated her beyond measure; but he had abandoned her, lied to her, left her. She was never able to let him go, and now to discover everything was a lie was just too much. As she sat beneath the tree, her face buried in her knees, her mind began to flood with memories…


	11. Don't Stop

_"Hey there, little girl," someone whispered in her ear._

_Sasaki turned in her desk and stared into the eyes of Shigure Sohma._

_"Jesus, you scared me," she sighed, feeling her heart pounding in her chest._

_It was her first day of high school, and she was already in her second year. She would be in a class with her older brother, Hatori, and her two cousins, Ayame and Shigure. She was a little scared, but excited at the same time. She loved her three relatives dearly, and they would be watching out for her, that she knew for certain._

_Shigure chuckled at her and took a seat in the desk to her right--alphabetical, of course._

_"No reason to frighten her on her first day, Shigure," her brother, Hatori, mumbled unenthusiastically to her left._

_"Oh, Hatori, you're so dull!" Ayame cheered from Hatori's left._

_How they could all be so different was beyond them. They had spent the majority of their lives together, and yet they had evolved into such different beings. Ayame was outspoken and very loud, but his charismatic charm always managed to keep him out of trouble. His looks seemed to dominate his life, but that didn't mean he was uncaring in the least. Hatori was stoic and cool with an unyielding air silent charisma that seemed to draw women to him. His brains kept him too busy--and much too wise--for any girls outside of his family, though. Shigure was the clown of the group, whose charm and adorable looks--ironically, like a puppy--kept him on his toes near the girls as well._

_And then there was Sasaki. She was beautiful beyond measure, and that did not go unnoticed among her peers. Her emerald eyes drew viewers in, her golden blond hair shone in the dullest of lights, her frame made them melt, and her chest--now fully developed--made them burn. All of the guys wanted to date her, and all of the girls wanted to hurt her--though they wouldn't dare as long as she hung around with the three most gorgeous guys in school. She was also very brainy, like her brother, but much more outgoing. She preferred to speak her mind to teachers, often making her the "disrespectful" one in class. All of this intelligence, beauty, and brawn packed into 5 feet, 2 inches made for quite the interesting time._

_High school wasn't as scary when Sasaki was with her three boys and she found it was far more pleasurable than middle school. Here, she was allowed to speak her mind without punishment, and she excelled like she had never done before._

_The night of the dance changed her life forever. She was beautiful, and her three boys agreed, one of them more than the other two. Though he had confessed nearly everything to his two friends all of his life, he found he could not tell them the on thing that had begun to eat away at him the most: his ever-growing desire for Sasaki. Everyday, he found he could lift his spirits by just starting a conversation with her or seeing her smile. He had never felt this way about a woman before, but he had discovered how much he liked it._

_The dance was rather uneventful, other than a breakup or two over the knowledge of a cheating boyfriend, a couple of fights over a girl, and the fact that Shigure had grown the balls enough to ask Sasaki to the final slow dance of the night, which she was happy to oblige him after being asked all night to dance by people she rather detested. Hatori had left early, alerting his sister and Shigure, who offered to escort her home afterwards. Ayame also left early, but with a gaggle of girls in his wake, ready to go and feast at the all-night diner. _

_This left Shigure and Sasaki to make the trek home alone. The two laughed and talked nearly the whole way, never running out of things to say. Neither realized that they were taking a rather extended walk back to the Sohma house in order to be with one another all the longer._

_"Hey, Sasaki?" Shigure asked after having a good laugh over one of their teachers caught grinding with a student earlier in the evening. "Can I be so band as to ask you a personal question?"_

_"Of course!" she obliged with a dazzling smile that always managed to take Shigure's breath away._

_"Well... Is there anyone... I mean... Do you... Do you like anyone? Like, at school?" he stuttered, his normally confident air seeming dissipate as he asked the question._

_"Hmm... Well, there is someone," she blushed, thankful for the darkness hiding her face._

_It felt like a lead weight crushing Shigure's heart._

_"Oh..." he murmured. A short amount of time elapsed before he asked, "Well, who is it?"_

_"Well now, I don't know if I can necessarily tell you that... Maybe, you could guess at it," she giggled._

_"Tachi Akoi?" he guessed, taking a stab at the jock who all the girls seemed to fall over._

_"Ew, no!" she squealed, raising Shigure's spirits a bit. "That method might take a while. Maybe try narrowing it down," she suggested, now trying to distract herself from embarrassment by attempting not to step on the cracks in the sidewalk._

_"Well, is he in our class?" Shigure tried, thinking who it could possibly be._

_She didn't say anything, just gave him a look that he could read even in the darkness, making him aware that he was on the right track._

_"And... It is a guy, right?" he asked, "Just to make sure?"_

_Sasaki laughed harder than she had in a while. Apparently her boldness was able to convince some that she was interested in women._

_"Yes, yes it's a guy," she choked, still giggling._

_"Okay... What color hair does he have?"_

_"Black," she responded immediately, the blush growing even deeper on her cheeks; that narrowed it down quite a bit, to about 3 people._

_They stopped not, realizing two things: they were standing outside of Sasaki's house, and it had started to rain._

_"Kei Takeru?" he asked._

_She shook her head rapidly, embarrassed._

_"That leaves... Me and Hatori..." he calculated._

_"Well, have a good night, Shigure," Sasaki gasped, unable to contain her nerves any longer._

_She attempted to climb the steps to the house as quickly as she could when she heard, "Wait!"_

_There she stopped on the spot, halfway up the small set of stairs. She heard footsteps behind her coming closer. She turned around and watched as Shigure closed the space between the two. She opened her mouth to explain herself, but was silenced by Shigure's lips on hers._

_Her eyes widened as Shigures closed. She had not expected this. However, she realized that she was enjoying it and closed her eyes, melting into Shigure's arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, one of her hands tangled in his messy black hair, and began to kiss him back with all of the feeling she could muster. She could feel his tongue pleading for entrance into her mouth, which she gratefully allowed, enjoying the feeling of him. It seemed that both of them had wanted this for a while._

_Shigure had never enjoyed this sensation of tough from another woman. His mother had never been able to hold him as a child without him transforming, and he had refrained from allowing any girls at school to get near enough to let it happen. The fact that she cared about him the way he cared about her made her touch that much better. Her skin was soft and warm, and her lips tasted like he had dreamed they would._

_Sasaki broke the kiss first, feeling the need to surface for air. She could hear Shigure's soft whimpers as she pulled away, and instead he began to nuzzle her neck._

_"Shigure," she whispered into the darkness._

_He loved the way she said his name, her soft voice like honey, forming the word slowly and sweetly._

_He pulled his face away from her and looked into her emerald eyes catching the light from a nearby lamp. She too looked into his sweet brown eyes, like melting chocolate, and was able to peer deep into his soul. They were both truly happy.  
_

_

* * *

_

_Time seemed to pass quickly when Sasaki and Shigure were together. They of course told Ayame and Hatori--who threatened Shigure with a slew of tortures if he happened to hurt his little sister--but they had to be careful who else discovered their hidden love. Akito could not know. He would not allow the two to be together if her were to learn of it._

_"So, have you two done the nasty yet?" Ayame asked them one day at school. They were sitting outside eating lunch and Hatori had left to use the restroom._

_Sasaki choked on her apple and Shigure spit out the drink of water he had just taken, both taken aback by the question._

_"Certainly not!" Sasaki spluttered, the first to recover from Ayame's frankness._

_"Really?" he asked, seeming shocked._

_"Did you honestly think I was that easy?" she asked, a little offended._

_"No! No, not at all!" Ayame exclaimed. "You two are just... So close, I was just... I'm sorry..."_

_Though Ayame's concern was valid, the two had not yet consummated their love. It had been nearly five months and they had still managed to keep their secret from Akito, mainly by getting together at Shigure's house, farther from the Sohma compound, than her house. Sasaki wondered if Hatori had the same concerns as Ayame, but it didn't really bother her. Being with Shigure made her happy; she was in love._

_They were now into their third and final year of high school, and it was strange to think that soon they would have to go out into the real world and live. Shigure had always desired to be an author, and he was good at writing too. Hatori had set his course to be a doctor at a young age, and he was not deterring from that path anytime soon. Though Ayame's interests seemed to change from day to day, he had always had an interest in fashion, and they all assumed that he would go into some sort of profession making clothes. Sasaki was the only one who's future was not yet set in stone. She had no idea what her future held, but for now, Shigure was in her immediate future._

_Ayame's question was not far off._

_One night, after making them dinner, Sasaki was finishing the dishes when a pair of arms encircled her from behind. She turned her head just in time to see Shigure bury his face into her neck, breathing in her scent. She craned her neck to give him more room to work with, completely forgetting about the remaining dishes. She could feel his lips brush the soft skin of her neck, trailing soft kisses to her collarbone. _

_Sasaki dropped the dish into the sink and rose her hand to tangle in Shigure's hair. She could feel his hands move behind her to untie the apron she wore. Moving his lips for what seemed a fraction of a second, he slid the apron over her head and tossed it to the ground. With her free hand, Sasaki grabbed one of Shigure's hands and slid it under the front of her blouse, higher and higher until it reached her breasts. She could feel him smirk against her neck as she placed his hand on her chest, allowing him to explore. He slid his hand under her bra and squeezed gently, sending a visible shiver down her body. No man had ever touched her this way, and he was happy to be the first._

_She turned rather suddenly to face him, her emerald eyes shimmering with something he had never seen in them before. Sasaki crushed her lips to his, her hands once again tangling in his hair, as they began to walk towards the stairs. Shigure lifted her into his arms so as to avoid breaking the kiss and carried her up the stairs to his bedroom._

_He set her down once again, disappointed as she broke the kiss and backed away from him. His whimper was audible, and she gave him a soft smile in return as she lifted the blouse of her school uniform over her head, revealing her beautiful body. Shigure groaned at the mere sight of her, growing hard instantaneously. He moved towards her and once again crushed his lips against hers. This was so new, so unexpected, but he didn't want to stop. His hands traced the contours of her soft skin and he slid them around her back where her bra strap opened--the gate hiding the garden he badly yearned to explore._

_"Do it," she whispered softly but with an eagerness he couldn't refuse._

_The bra fell away from her body and her breasts bounced from it, freed from their cruel cage. Shigure groaned even louder this time at the sight of them, kissing Sasaki once more on her mouth before trailing his lips down her neck to the valley where breasts met. He took them into his hands and massaged them gently, hearing her begin to whimper. Her nipples were already hard at his touch, perfect diamond pebbles as he lowered his lips toward them and let his tongue explore. His teeth began to toy with the points and she gasped softly, her hands gripping his hair. He moved on to the other one, again using his tongue to swirl around the nipple and his teeth to play with it. How other Japanese men could so enjoy small breasts, he would never know. Sasaki's were perfect, round and large, exactly what Shigure desired. He wanted her to say his name again._

_"Shigure," she breathed, his name dripping from her lips like hot wax._

_Though he never wanted to stop lavishing her breasts with attention, he knew his hunger would not be satiated so easily. He stood up to his full height again, letting her take a turn at having control. Her nimble fingers undid the buttons of his school shirt, sliding it down his muscular arms (which she had found surprising when first discovering them) and onto the floor. She rested her hands against his chest, her lips feasting gently on his neck. His eyes closed in pleasure._

_Finally, unable to take it any longer, Sasaki pulled away once again, to Shigure's dismay, until he realized what she was doing. Shigure watched as Sasaki slid her short skirt and her underwear down her legs, leaving them to rest on the floor. She sat down on his bed, completely naked, and laid down, never breaking the gaze her eyes held with his._

_Shigure moved toward her, removing his pants and boxers along the way._

_Sasaki let out a small gasp at the sight of Shigure's arousal. Though she had never seen a man that way, she was rather positive that Shigure was larger than the average man... MUCH larger... She found herself even more turned on at the sight of him, having to bite her bottom lip back to stifle a moan. Shigure lowered himself onto the bed next to Sasaki, taking in how truly beautiful she was. He looked deep into her eyes and finally realized what that particular gleam was: desire._

_"Sasaki," he murmured, really speaking for the first time, "are you sure you want this?"_

_Sasaki moved closer to him, her body right up against his, breathing in his seductive scent, feeling his manhood against her thigh._

_"I don't want you to stop," she whispered, touching her fingers to his cheek. "I want you. I need you. Shigure..."_

_Her voice trailed off, and he knew he wanted her too. It was at that moment that Shigure Sohma realized he could spend the rest of his life with Sasaki Sohma. He knew he was in love with her._

_Shigure eased himself on top of Sasaki, placing another tender kiss on her lips._

_"Oh shit, I-" Shigure began._

_"It's okay," Sasaki whispered, already knowing what he was going to say. "I'm on the pill. Have been for a long time now. Don't worry. Shigure..."_

_Her words trailed off again as he smiled at her, giving her breasts another small squeeze. She always knew what to say._

_As gently as possible, Shigure positioned himself between Sasaki's legs, which parted for him easily. Only now did he look down at her womanhood, and he grew hungrier, his arousal seeming to grow even larger. She was wet, very wet, completely ready for him. He moaned, allowing one of his hands to explore her moist area as he looked into her eyes._

_"I don't want to hurt you," he crooned, his eyes as gentle as a puppy's._

_"Shigure. I need you," she panted, already making small noises as his fingers began to tease her mercilessly._

_That was enough for him, and he pulled his hand away, moving it to rest on her hip. Slowly, gingerly, he eased himself into her. He could feel her muscles tighten against him, her walls constricting the deeper he went in. Her hands gripped his forearms and she whimpered, wincing as he broke through the initial wall. He was her first time, as she was his, and yet it felt so natural. He stopped, not wanting to go too deep, letting her adjust to him. In time, her grip on his arms weakened and he could feel her muscles slacken. Her gaze caught his and he pulled out and pushed in again, beginning a slow rhythm. Each time, he could feel her tight walls contract around his manhood, and that alone could have driven him over the edge if he was not trying to remain in control for her._

_Their rhythm grew faster and he began to thrust deeper into her. Her breathing grew harsher and faster, and her whimpers quickly turned to moans. Her hips began to take on the same rhythm of his thrusts and she moved to meet him with each one._

_"Shigure," she moaned, wrapping her legs around his waist in order to pull him deeper into her. "Please, don't stop. Oh God, Shigure... Shigure... Shigure! Right there, Shigure..."_

_He could sense her body beginning to tighten up--she was so close. As was he, but he pushed on, thinking only of letting her experience that bliss. Her walls tightened once more and she made a strange noise--a cross between a scream, a gasp, and a moan--and then she came, quickly followed by Shigure, who saw a blast of white light as he released, feeling nothing but pleasure. Both panted heavily, and Shigure did not want to pull out of Sasaki, but did so reluctantly, rolling off of her onto the bed. Before he could react, Shigure felt Sasaki's soft body against his, craving the contact of her new lover's body. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body as close to him as possible. She seemed to fit so perfectly into his arms, like she belonged there._

_"I love you," he whispered into her ear without really thinking._

_There was silence. Sasaki pulled her face away to stare at Shigure, wide-eyed._

_"You... You love me?" she asked in disbelief._

_"Yes," he said confidently. "I love you. More than life itself. I love you, Sasaki."_

_Sasaki's eyes filled with tears and she smiled softly at him._

_"I love you, Shigure. I love you... Shigure..." she trailed off, burying her face into his chest._

_And that was how they fell asleep._


	12. Crushed

_It had been nearly three years that they were together, and Sasaki and Shigure couldn't have been any happier. Hatori and Ayame agreed that they were perfect together, and eventually other members of the Zodiac discovered their secret. However, they all knew of the danger that came with knowing the secret: if Akito found out in any way of their relationship, the consequences would be dire._

_Despite that, Shigure approached Hatori one day in the study of his house. He was unable to contain his excitement, and Hatori eyed him suspiciously._

_"What's wrong with you?" he finally asked after Shigure had once again begun to rock back and forth in front of his desk, a permanent smile plastered on his face._

_Without a word, Shigure pulled from his pocket a small box. He opened it to reveal-_

_"An engagement ring?!" Hatori exclaimed, dropping the file he was examining, his eyes wide._

_"I'm going to ask Sasaki to marry me!" Shigure declared excitedly, his smile growing infectious as Hatori broke into a grin as well. "I just... I love her Hatori. I guess i was actually coming to ask permission from you. So... Can I?"_

_"Shigure, please," Hatori smirked, "there's really nothing I can say to change your mind. I mean, you bought the ring already..."_

_"Oh, Hatori, thank you!" Shigure cried, hugging his best friend tightly._

_Neither of the men noticed that someone was standing just outside Hatori's front door, watching, listening. Curiosity overcame him as he was going for a walk. Shigure rarely returned to the main house anymore, and he wondered why. Now rage blinded him, taking over his every nerve and muscle. The members of the Zodiac belonged to no one other than himself, and he would have to show that to her the hard way. Shaking, the 14-year-old Akito Sohma returned to the main complex and told a maid that it was essential she summon Sasaki Sohma at once and to have her sent to his room._

* * *

_Shigure ran faster than he had ever run in his entire life through the entrance of the hospital and up the stairs to level 4, where Hatori told him to meet him. He had just returned to the grounds of the Sohma compound after being unable to find Sasaki at home when he received the call. The sound of an ambulance in the background was unmistakable, and Hatori sounded panicked and scared._

_Shigure burst through the door onto the fourth floor of the hospital: ICU. He ran to a nurse in such a frenzied state that she looked frightened._

_"Please, please ma'am, Sohma. Sohma," he panted, unable to form coherent sentences._

_"Sasaki Sohma? Room 4, right there," she gestured to a room just behind Shigure._

_He ran through the door of the room where she had indicated and his heart seemed to stop beating. There she lay, the love of his life, broken and battered. Hatori stood next to her, and when he saw Shigure, tears began to fall down his face._

_Shigure found himself unable to move, frozen in a parallel world. He was convinced that he was dreaming, and when he woke up, she would be laying next to him in bed, fast asleep. But this was no dream. This was Shigure's nightmare, and it was real. Hatori knew, and he ran to his friend milliseconds before he broke down. Hatori caught him and Shigure began sobbing into the shoulder of his best friend, wondering how this could have happened, how he could've been so careless. Akito had found out, and Sasaki was forced to pay the price for Shigure's foolishness._

_Shigure finally calmed himself enough to stand on his own and Hatori led him outside of her room, Shigure still choking back sobs._

_"Hatori, I need to-" he began, but Hatori cut him off._

_"No, if you see her like that, it'll break you. You can't. You may need to, but you can't," Hatori reasoned._

_"Akito," Shigure whispered hoarsely, barely able to speak the name._

_"Yes... He must've overheard... At my house. Somehow... Shigure, I... I'm..." he tried._

_"Don't. This is... All my fault. I knew... I tried to stop myself. I told myself not to fall in love with her when we were in middle school, but I couldn't help myself. I needed her, I craved her like oxygen Hatori. I could never tell you," Shigure began to cry again, the tears running freely now. "I was selfish, but I didn't care. And now, she's paying... Paying the-"_

_"Stop it," Hatori demanded. "We can't help who we fall in love with. We're all human. Do not let Akito win, he wants you to blame yourself. Do not let him win."_

_But Shigure couldn't help it. Hatori drove him home and for two days he remained there. He could not stop blaming himself for what had happened to her. He laid there, numb to his emotions, thinking only of her. _

_On the third day, he decided he needed to see her. He showered, dressed, and called a taxi to take him to the hospital. She had been moved to the extended stay unit on the third floor. Her door was ajar and he opened it slowly, but his efforts were wasted. She was still unconscious--as a nurse made him aware--and had not yet awoken. Slowly he moved to her side until he was right next to her, staring down at her. Her face was covered in marks, both slash marks and bruises. Her neck and chest were also badly injured, and he guessed the rest of her was just as bad._

_He stood over her for a few minutes, just staring over her, watching. Ayame had appeared at the door, but Shigure had not noticed him. _

_Suddenly, something came over Shigure and he could not control himself and he fell to his knees next to Sasaki. Tears began to cascade down his cheeks and he planted soft kisses on her forehead, eyes, lips, and neck. He was whispering to her how sorry he was. Finally he laid his head on her chest, waiting for the tears to stop, wishing she could lift her arms and tangle them in his hair like she always did, to tell him that she still loved him._

_He raised his head and pulled the box with the ring inside out of his jacket, staring at it venomously, as if he could channel the blame into the ring. Without thinking he flung it across the room._

_Hatori entered the room. shigure looked up at him and fresh tears began to fall._

_Hatori didn't seem to know what to do, so he just sat down and waited for Shigure to return to his senses. Ayame also entered the room, waiting. When Shigure's tears ceased, he began to speak to his two best friends._

_"I can't be selfish anymore. Not now... That she's borne the brunt of it. It's best for her..." He paused. "When she wakes up, I need to tell her I don't love her."_

_"What!?" Ayame and Hatori both exclaimed at once._

_"This will not stop... Akito will not stop until he knows that he has won. It's for the best."_

_"Shigure, think about this. Think about how much she loves you... About how much you love her..." Ayame tried._

_"You don't think I've already thought about that?!" Shigure practically shouted._

_"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Shigure," Ayame conceded._

_"Besides, maybe then... Maybe she can be happy. Find someone else to l-love," Shigure barely managed to choke out the last word. His eyes fell upon her broken body and he knew that this would be the end._

_Sasaki woke up the next day, and Ayame and Hatori were beside her when she opened her eyes. Shigure waited outside. Sasaki was still in slight pain, but she would be able to go home the next day. After tearful hellos, Ayame and Hatori took leave of Sasaki. Hatori grabed Shigure's arm before he walked inside, but found that there was nothing he could say. Shigure looked into his best friend's eyes..._

_"It's for the best," Shigure whispered._

_Hatori released his arm and continued to walk behind Ayame._

_Shigure entered the room and his stomach lurched up into his throat. She caught sight of him, and she smiled the same smile she always managed to give him--the very same one that swept him off his feet. He wanted to run to her and hold her in his arms, show her that he still cared for her no matter what had happened. But he had to do this._

_"Sasaki," he said, trying not to flinch as he said it._

_"Sh...Shigure," she whispered._

_His breathing was shallow as he resisted the urge to take hold of her, which grew increasingly more difficult._

_"Sasaki, I don't think we can do this anymore."_

_She looked confused and her eyes attempted to search his._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"He's killing you," he tried reasoning with her, though he knew it would fail._

_"Shigure, I don't care. I-" she began._

_"Sasaki, I don't love you."_

_And with that, Sasaki Sohma's heart shattered into a hundred pieces._

_"I'm sorry."_

_And with that, Shigure left the room. He barely made it to the nearest trash can before he began to throw up profusely, the disease of lie he just told materializing in the wastebasket before him. He had just broken her heart to save her, and he would never forgive himself._

* * *

_Sasaki went home with Hatori the next day. Eventually she was able to walk again. The doctors remarked on how she was able to heal so quickly after the wounds she had suffered. Her body had repaired itself in a month and a half, but she was not the same._

_She seemed lost, unable to understand why it had happened. Had he lied to her from the start, told her he loved her just to get into her pants? Was she really that easy that he stayed with her for three years just so he could get some whenever he wanted? Why would he have done this? Did he not want to have to deal with the baggage that the incident left behind? If that was the case, he would've had to have been stupid. She had already healed physically, the only evidence of the accident her healing scars--which the doctors had told her would never truly disappear--but even still, she would not have changed that drastically; and if he hadn't broken her heart, the emotional damage would've already healed itself as well._

_When she was around Hatori, Sasaki did her best to remain together. She made him meals and cleaned to keep herself occupied, and she read when she ran out of other things to do. Hatori knew that she was broken though, for he heard her crying at night every now and again. He wanted t do something--anything--to heal her pain, but there was nothing he could do. __Though there was the rare occasion when she couldn't control the tears that fell at night, Sasaki reserved most of her breakdowns for during the day, when Hatori was gone. _

_Shigure's pain paralled that of Sasaki. He refrained from returning to the main house as often as possible in order to avoid the temptation of seeing her. He took to writing as often as he could, and now that some of his work had been published, there were companies searching for more from him. Even still, this was not enough to make him forget about her._

_It had been three months since they had seen each other when Shigure got a call from Hatori._

_"Akito is requesting your presence," he stated flatly._

_"No."_

_There was silence on the other end._

_"Alright. I'll tell him," Hatori responded, hanging up without a good-bye._

_Shigure knew it was wrong to defy Akito, but he didn't want to show him how he had won. Even still, he thought he should at least make an appearance, if not for Akito's sake, than for the sake of everyone else at the main house._

_Five minutes later, Shigure was on his way to the main house, walking through the brisk fall air. Very few leaves hung from the trees, and he wondered what the date was, remember that rainy fall night four years ago when he first kissed Sasaki._

_Shigure was so trapped in his memories that he did not realize he was already at the complex. It was quiet... Too quiet. Shigure caught a maid hanging out laundry on the side of the complex._

_"Excuse me, but has something happened?" he asked._

_"Oh, Master Shigure! Why, yes. Lord Akito has fallen ill. Masters Kureno and Hatori have taken him to the hospital," she responded with a bow._

_"Thank you," he nodded back and turned around to return home._

_However, as he neared Hatori's house, he found his steps slowing. He tried to urge himself onward, but he could not. 'What harm might a small peek do?' he thought, trying to convince himself that what he was doing was okay._

_As he approached the door, he noticed only one set of shoes outside the door. She was alone. He slid the door open silently, leaving his shoes next to hers and putting on the slippers in the doorway. He heard faint sounds coming from the kitchen and he slowly and silently made his way towards the sounds, now becomming clearer and clearer. Finally he stopped on the other side of the doorway against the wall and looked in, trying to remain as hidden as possible._

_She seemed to have been doing dishes before she had been overcome with tears, causing her to bury her face in her hands, her head resting on the counter before the sink. Her shoulders were shaking, and her soft sobs seemed to rip Shigure's heart in half. Before he was able to stop himself--before he began even to think--he moved from his hiding place into the kitchen, walking towards her. She did not notice him. And without thinking, he wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his head on her shoulder._

_He heard her gasp, felt her head jerk down to look at the arms around her, and then..._

_"Shigure?!" she gasped, her breathing now shallow._

_His eyes snapped open. What was he doing?! He couldn't figure out why he was doing this. It had always been a habit of his to want to comfort her, but even now?_

_"Sh... Shigure. What are... What are you doing?" she asked, unable to move._

_He hesitated._

_"I don't know," he finally confessed._

_He pulled away from her and she turned to look him in the eyes. He noted, though, that she was not telling him to leave._

_"Why... Why did you... Why?" she choked._

_"You were crying," he stated, his eyes full of sadness._

_"Because of you!" she exclaimed, her voice full of hurt. "Because you... You..."_

_And again, he did not think before he moved toward her and placed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply, the way he used to. Her eyes were wide as she pushed on his shoulders, breaking the kiss. His eyes were full of regret._

_"What are you doing?" she squeaked, her tears already falling._

_"I'm sorry. I'll go. I don't... I'm sorry," he said, turning to leave._

_However, as he began to walk away, he felt something catch his wrist. He turned to look and saw Sasaki had grabbed him, her tears still falling._

_"Wait. Shigure..." she paused, seeming to struggle within her own mind._

_"Yes?" he asked, yearning to take away some of her pain._

_She stared at the ground, still conflicted. Finally, she turned her gaze to meet his._

_"Tell me you love me... You don't have to mean it, I know you won't... Just... Say it..." she pleaded, the need in her voice quite evident._

_Shigure hesitated once again, but, as before, he stopped thinking._

_"I love you."_

_Not even a second passed, and Sasaki threw her arms around Shigure's neck and crushed her lips to his. The kiss was full of longing, like they both needed something from it, an unspoken vow. He wrapped his arms around her waist, crushing her body against his. He would have said it was primative, even carnal, an insatiable lust, but he knew that they did not necessarily have to have sex for him to be satisfied. He missed the feeling of her lips against his, the way she fit so perfectly into his arms, feeling her body against his, the way she said his name._

_Her fingers tangled in his hair._

_Yes, he almost missed that the most, that quirky little impulse she acted on when she was turned on, her fingers combing through his thick black hair._

_He leaned her against the countertop, refusing to break the kiss, afraid at any moment that Hatori would walk through the door--or worse, he would wake up. He felt her hands untangle themselves and reach down to grab his own hands, sliding them under her shirt. Reaching inside her bra, he massaged her breasts the way he always did. She whimpered, tangling her fingers in his hair again, savoring the feeling of his soft, strong hands making her feel like a woman._

_It was like a dance routine thay had practiced over and over again, though they had never made love this way before. He slid his hands under her thighs and lifted her onto the countertop. She reached out and untied his kimono with one deft move, revealing his arousal poking out of his boxers. He lifted her skirt up--revealing her soaked panties, which he pulled aside--and took her in his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling him enter her. She moaned and whimpered, both at the same time, but it was more than that. It was as if she had craved this for ages and was finally rewarded, finding it better than she had expected._

_Once again, her fingers tangled in his hair and--because the way she was positioned made her higher than Shigure--she laid her head down on his, whimpering and moaning with every thrust, attempting to buck her hips with him._

_Shigure's head laid against Sasaki's chest, taking in the smell of her, the feel of her. He felt her hands lift and now her fingers were tangling themselves in his exposed chest hair. He look up at her and she planted her lips on his, allowing his tongue to explore every cavern of her mouth. She was still whimpering, muffled against his own mouth. The thrusts became faster and deeper. Shigure could feel her body begin to tense. He knew what was coming. As she released, she made the same noise that she always made, the scream-gasp-moan. He followed, but did not let her go. If anything, he held her even more tightly to him, not wanting to lose that which he had just gotten back._

_The crunch of gravel outside the house alarmed Shigure, who looked up at Sasaki with a start._

_"Hatori's home," she said blankly, sliding down and attempting to compose herself. "You'll have to go out the back."_

_She led him quickly out the door and watched him leave without another word, then closed the door and returned to the dishes. Suddenly, she heard the door slam open and Hatori stomped into the house, not bothering to remove his shoes. He entered the kitchen looking left and right, then caught Sasaki's gaze._

_"Where is he?" Hatori demanded, his eyes full of what appeared to be rage._

_"Who?" Sasaki asked, trying to figure out how he had figured it out._

_"Looks like he left his shoes behind," Hatori stated, holding up a pair of sandals._

_In her rush, Sasaki had forgotten that he was still wearing slippers. Hatori and Sasaki stood in silence for a moment. Finaly, Sasaki spoke._

_"Hatori, please... Don't... You don't understand. Please-" she whimpered, her voice weak and feeble, her eyes leaking tears._

_"No! I told him what would happen! He took advantage of you! Knew that you would give him what he wanted! Not anymore!" Hatori bellowed, his volume alarming Sasaki._

_Without another word Hatori took off out the back door, sprinting after Shigure._

_"Hatori, wait!" Sasaki screamed after him, but it was no use; when she reached the door, he was already past the edge of the forest._

_Sasaki ran after him, knowing that if she let him go, the consequences would be dire. At some point, she kicked the slippers off of her feet; they were only holding her back. Through the trees she ran until she saw light poking through the thicket of forest, indicating the opening leading to Shigure's house..._

_Only minutes earlier, Shigure had entered his house. He realized he was still wearing the slippers he put on at Hatori's house, which he would have to return as discreetly as possible. He was ashamed of himself. He had taken advantage of her. After tossing her aside, he went back for scraps. But he missed her. He wanted to feel her soft sweet skin against his, to hear her say she loved him again, to wake up next to her again. He buried his face in his hands. This was his decision, so he should not be this selfish._

_The door next to him slammed open and Hatori stood next to him, looking ready to kill._

_"How dare you!" he roared, throwing himself at Shigure._

_Hatori began to punch him repeatedly, and Shigure was able to shield all but a few blows. He knew he deserved this, but he didn't want to have to take it from Hatori. Shigure reached for Hatori's wrists and turned the tables, rolling Hatori underseath him._

_"Stop it," he said calmly._

_"Never," Hatori growled._

_"STOP!" a scream echoed throughout the room and before he had time to look, Shigure was thrown from Hatori, collided into by something that rolled across the ground with him. He came to a stop and looked down to see Sasaki with her arms wrapped around him, trembling uncontrollably. She had come to stop Hatori from killing him, but it was Shigure who she had launched herself at._

_"Sasaki, get off of h-" Hatori began, standing up._

_"SHUT UP!" she screamed, interrupting him. "You two are best friends. Hatori, I don't care what Shigure's done to me. I let him do it." She had not opened her eyes, and instead left them clenched shut, squeezing even tighter to Shigure._

_"He used you! He fucked you, Sasaki!" Hatori yelled bluntly._

_There was a pause. Hatori's face fell; he knew he had said the wrong thing._

_"And I let him fuck me," she said softly. "I wanted him to fuck me, Hatori. I know you think he used me. Actually... He did... But, fuck Hatori, I want him to use me! It's sick, the way I need him! I would let him fuck me everyday, even if he hated me, just to be with him. It's sick! I can't... I can't do this anymore! This is the way it's going to be every time I see you," she was now speaking to Shigure. "No matter what you say to me, I'll always love you and want you to love me... Make love to me... The way it used to be... It can't... It can't BE LIKE THIS!" she raised her voice, but still didn't let him go._

_An even longer silence followed._

_"So I have to leave," Sasaki stated._

_"What?!" Hatori and Shigure both exclaimed at once._

_Sasaki let go of Shigure and he instantly regretted his reaction, missing her touch. She stood up and looked back and forth between her brother and her lover--who had also stood up next to her._

_"I'm going to leave. I can't... I can't do this. I'd been planning it for a while, and now I know it must be done. I've got the money. I'm going to America," she stated._

_"Sasaki..." Shigure tried._

_"Good-bye, Shigure," she blurted, turning towards Hatori, taking his hand, and walking out the door._

_And so, the girl of his dreams walked out of Shigure's life. That is, until, she showed up, nearly 6 years later, sitting at his kitchen table._


	13. Regret

Sasaki lifted her head from her knees, tears falling down her face. She hadn't delved into the pool of her memory in a long time. It was her mind that she seemed to fear the most. Her love for Shigure had not wavered; if anything, it had increased in their time apart. Her goal had been to forget about him, and all she wanted was for him to take her in his arms and make the pain go away. And yet, she couldn't let him. He had lied to her six years ago, smashed her heart into pieces. And now, to learn that he was going to ask her to marry him, was all too much for her to take. She needed to see him.

Shigure sat in his study, a look of disgust plastered on his face. After letting the scenes play through his mind once again, he realized all of the things he had done to her in the past--taken her first kiss, her virginity, nearly got her killed, lied to her, and used her for sex... He didn't deserve her. She needed to be with someone who would care for her the way he could not. And yet, he had not forgotten her like he had intended to. He craved her the same way he had all those years ago. Life could not go on this way. He needed to know how she felt. He needed to see her.

Shigure left his house and headed off in the opposite direction everyone had gone to look for Sasaki. Sure, that was the direction in which she had taken off, but he knew where she was. She had doubled back for sure, maybe even more than once, in order to ease her mind. He followed the beaten path behind his house into the forest.

It was simple: she wanted him to come and find her. It was like a cruel little test she had mapped out in her head. Though she knew it was unfair and not a real judge of Shigure's heart, she wanted him to give in first, be the one to find her--somehow just know where she was. However, as she began to reconsider her "test," she heard a rustling in the trees. She looked up, and there he was.

Neither one of them moved for what seemed like forever, just watching each other take the other one in. Then Shigure walked towards Sasaki and took a seat on the ground next to her.

"You lied to me," she said softly after more silence.

"I know... And I know it might not seem like it, but I was doing it to protect you," Shigure tried, almost pleading with her to see his logic.

"Protect me?" she asked spitefully, jumping into a standing position almost like she wanted to fight.

"Akito would stop at nothing! He would've killed you that night if Hatori hadn't found you! And if I would've been even more selfish and decided to stay with you, it would've happened again! You'd be dead now!" Shigure cried, also standing.

"You don't understand! I never cared! I cared about you more than anything in the world! I would've died to be with you!" she exclaimed.

"Alright, then I WAS selfish!" he yelled, finally angry. "Sorry for wanting to keep you alive rather than keep fucking you and get you killed!"

"That didn't stop you from fucking me though, now did it?" she retorted spitefully.

Shigure was silent. He had no response.

"I can't defend what I did... Because it was wrong. I couldn't forgive myself. I don't understand how you could either. I was selfish then too. I wanted to keep you alive and still have you all to myself. I needed you, but that's not an excuse. I'm sorry," he murmured, clearly ashamed.

Sasaki regretted saying that to Shigure, and she fell to her knees next to him. He looked into her eyes, which had softened a bit. She was still angry, but compassion seemed to be inching its way in as well.

"Shigure, it's not all your fault. I let you. I wanted you to. But _I _wasn't the one who broke up with _you_. I just... I want to understand, Shigure. I want to know that you were doing it to save me. But I can't. You hurt me _so_ much, and... I want to believe you... But..." she trailed off, turning away from him.

"Sasaki... I know it's no consolation... But I always loved you," Shigure confessed, reaching out to touch her cheek.

Sasaki took one look at him and pounced, hitting him over and over again in the chest.

"IT'S NOT A FUCKING CONSOLATION!"she screamed, her blows rhythmic. "It makes it WORSE! You ABANDONED ME, even though you LOVED ME!"

Shigure took every single blow that she delivered to him. It hurt, but it hurt less than her actually being angry with him for even longer. He had refused to take Hatori's abuse so many years ago because he was not the one Shigure believed needed to be hurting him. Sasaki deserved every punch she threw at him. She tired herself out eventually, her punches getting weaker and weaker until she finally had to stop, panting.

When she finally looked up at him, Shigure was shocked. Tears streamed down her face, and her eyes no longer held anger, only pain.

"I never forgot about you. I know that's what you wanted, but I never stopped loving you either. I went out on a date with one guy in America. One! Because I realized no one would ever be the same as you. I haven't had sex since the last time... In Hatori's kitchen... I used to cry myself to sleep until I got a dog... A little black dog... that was like you, it was close enough to keep me going. But he was old... And he died, and I came back here. You were the only one I ever wanted... And to know that you loved me all along is both infuriating... And comforting. Like, my efforts weren't in vain. Shigure."

Shigure felt as if a weight had been lifted away from him as she said his name, the way she used to.

"I can't do anything to change what I've done... But I love you. All I know is that I love you, and I'd do anything, ANYTHING, to make sure you never have to feel that way again," Shigure pleaded with her once again.

Her eyes betrayed her, and though Sasaki tried to hide it, she yearned to be with him again.

They both seemed to come to the realization at the same time that she was lying on top of him. Her eyes did not change, but a blush creeped across her face. Shigure did not want her to move. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Her eyes widened.

"Shigu-" she began, but was unable to finish as her lips were covered by Shigures.

She had once thought she had a bit more strength against him, but she found that, within seconds, she had melted into the kiss. Forgetting the fact that she was angry with him, she began to kiss him back with all of the passion that had built up inside of her over the last 6 years. Shigure, at first trying to restrain himself, allowed his urgency to mimic that of Sasaki. He bit her lower lip, and she gave his tongue entrance into her mouth, where it explored the regions it had yearned to taste for years. Her fingers gripped his hair tightly as they kissed, and relief flooded over him. Yes, that was in fact one of the things he had missed most.

She pulled away, gasping for air like she had been underwater, drowning in Shigure. He too was panting, but he didn't care. He leaned up and began to feast on her neck.

"Shigure... Wait... Shi- Ohhhhhhh, Shigure," she moaned his name as he found her sensitive spot--the soft flesh between her shoulder and her neck. "Shigure, we shouldn't... Not here, we- Ohhhhhhhh," she tried to reason, but fell victim to his advances. She could feel his arousal pressing against her thigh and his hands slid up her shirt, sliding under her bra and cupping her breasts in his hands. She moaned again, laying her forehead against his. He tried to slide her shirt above her head, but her hands gripped his wrists, stopping him halfway. "Shigure, not here. What if someone sees?" she giggled, and he thought that, for a moment, she almost wanted someone to catch them, to prove that it was actually happening.

"Sasaki?!"

They looked up to see Hatori standing at the end of the path in the entrance to the clearing, frozen in place, his mouth agape.

"H...Hatori," Sasaki squeaked after a long moment of silence. "Hatori, please-"

"No," his voice came out in a whisper. "You ass... How could you do this? I don't... God DAMN it, Shigure!" Hatori yelled.

"Hatori, wait," Sasaki tried, rising from Shigure to attend to her brother. "Hatori, please, don't let this be like last time... After... I thought you would at least understand a little now... After... Hatori, please!" she exclaimed.

"Kana and I didn't have a relationship based on sex, it-" Hatori began, but was not permitted to finish his sentence.

With a deafening noise that echoed through the small clearing, Sasaki delivered a smack to the side of Hatori's face. Hatori stared at Sasaki with his mouth agape.

"How DARE YOU!" she screamed at him. "You'll never understand, will you? It's a part of our relationship, we're healthy adults, normal. Our relationship isn't BASED on sex. And you call HIM an ass. I love him, Hatori, but no matter how many times I tell you that, you just don't want to hear it! I don't understand why! Hatori, I know, you don't want to see me get hurt again. But I'm a big girl, I can take it. I love him, and I like to think that he loves me..."

Hatori stared deep into her eyes, trying to see the truth. He believed her.

"I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I guess... It seems a bit like that when the two times I've been searching for you, I find you having sex," Hatori smirked at his sister.

She smiled back at him, identifying his crude attempt at humor.

"Shigure... Just know... If you break her heart again... AGAIN, and I will hurt you," he called over Sasaki's shoulder.

Shigure responded in a mock-salute.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her once more.

She reached out and hugged him.

"Thank you for caring about me, Hatori," she whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, you guys can't stay out here forever. They're all waiting for you," he turned and began marching back towards the house.

Sasaki turned toward Shigure, who began to walk toward her, and the two made their way away from the clearing and down the beaten path. As slyly as she could, Sasaki slipped her hand into Shigure's. He looked over at her, and she met his gaze. He gave her a smirk and she conceded, flashing him one of her dazzling smiles, making his world complete again.


	14. Scars

_"Toji watched the young maid flitter across the room, carefully sweeping the tables and various oddities that belonged to his father. He eyed the young maids thighs hungrily and wondered if her body was just as voluptuous underneath that tartan little uniform as he had always imagined it to be. The maid looked up from her work to see Toji watching her and she flashed him a coy smile. He knew what she wanted. His parents were gone for the week on a cruise in America, and he was fully prepared to satisfy the young maid in their absence. He couldn't control his growing erection, and the maid's eyes grew wide at the sight of it. She tore off her uniform, sending buttons flying around the room. Her large breasts bounced as she threw herself down onto the couch and cried, 'Take me, Master Toji!'"_

"Okay, hold on a minute," Sasaki interrupted.

Shigure threw down his latest book, _My Mistress' Keeper, _onto his desk. He had been reading it to Sasaki to see if she would enjoy it. She sat in his lap, and he cradled her like a small child whose father was reading her a night-time story.

"You don't like it?" he asked sheepishly, a little shot-down.

"Oh no, no, no. Nothing like that. Hearing you recite it to me... I don't know. I mean, if I were reading this myself, I'd feel a little dirty, like watching porn alone or something. But when you read it to me, I get _very _turned on."

She began to nuzzle his neck and plant kisses down to his collarbone. Shigure sighed, enjoying the touch of her lips of his skin. He slid one hand under her butt and gave a squeeze, much stronger than he meant to. She gasped and jumped into the air, then swatted his hand away.

"Naughty, naughty boy," she eyed him with mock suspicion.

He gave her a devious smirk before leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, moving deeper into the kiss, this time sliding her tongue into his mouth to explore before he got the chance. One of her hands slid up to wind itself in his thick hair.

The front door slammed open and arguing could be heard growing louder as it entered the house.

"-and for that matter, what do you care?! It doesn't even involve you!" Kyo's loud yell boomed down the hallway.

"You can't just go around saying that to people, I don't know how many times I'm going to have to explain it," Yuki attempted to reason with him.

Sasaki broke away from Shigure to try and listen, but he continued to trail kisses down her neck.

"I can, and WILL! She was being a creep, so I told her off! I was DEFENDING Tohru, I thought that would please the protector of all that's good in the world. But, oh wait, I forgot, all you're concerned with is image," Kyo spat.

"That's not it!" Yuki tried to counter Kyo, but he didn't say anything else, as if he didn't have a reason for _why_Kyo was incorrect.

"Please," a timid voice cut in, quite identifiable as Tohru. "Please, stop fighting?"

Silence followed.

"Shigure, they're home. Stop it!" Sasaki giggled, swatting his hand away when she noticed he was attempting to slide her shirt up.

Shigure moaned, laying his head on her chest.

"I'm sorry, I know, I'm awful, I'm a tease, but we can't do it while they're _here_ and _awake_!" she smirked, placing a sweet kiss on his lips before standing up, extending a hand to help Shigure up.

After he stood up though, he did not let go of her hand. Instead he pulled her toward him, embracing her tightly. There was nothing sexual about it. He merely wanted to be near her, to enjoy the way her body felt against his, and she understood. Both of them had missed one another's touch. Shigure craved the feeling of her, even if sex wasn't involved. They breathed in the scents of one another, and Sasaki swore she could have heard Shigure's heart beating.

He let her go and she looked up at him, smiling sweetly. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

When they entered the kitchen, there was an air of awkwardness and discomfort. Yuki and Kyo were seated at opposite sides of the table. Yuki was reading a book and Kyo was staring out the window. Tohru had already begun the preparations for dinner. Sasaki was not happy with this negative atmosphere. Giving him no warning, Sasaki threw herself onto Kyo's lap. He let out a yell and stared wide-eyed at Sasaki. She gave him a huge smile and a rather tight hug.

Tohru laughed, Shigure laughed even harder, and even Yuki was able to smirk a bit. But, for Sasaki, the best part was that Kyo was smiling.

Since they were young, Sasaki had adored all of her little Sohma relatives. She had been able to show them all affection that they had craved from their parents, and her maternal instincts never failed them. She was able to tap into Haru's hard shell and he had never once gone "black" when he was around her. She had also been able to show Yuki acceptance at a time when he had needed it most; she saw that Ayame wasn't as nurturing as he should have been, so she did her best to take his place. Of all of the younger members of the Zodiac though, it was with Kyo that Sasaki had always felt the strongest bond.

When Kyo's mother had died, Hatori and Sasaki had been at the funeral. When Kyo's father blamed Kyo for the death of his mother, no one wanted to stand up for him. No one, that is, except for Sasaki. She hadn't thought before she had acted, but she approached Kyo's father and told him to "Shut up." He was furious, naturally, but that didn't matter. Sasaki took Kyo's hand and led him away, his father screaming after them. But Kyo wasn't listening to him. He was listening to Sasaki humming gently as they walked. Even after he went to live at the dojo, Kyo had trouble opening up to Kazuma, but he seemed to have developed a special relationship with Sasaki. She was the mother he was never able to have, and for that he loved her dearly.

The atmosphere of the room had lightened and the whole dramatic event that had come up earlier had been long forgotten. Sasaki helped Tohru with dinner (she had _insisted_), Yuki and Kyo set the table, and Shigure watched all of the activity from the table. He had turned the TV on in order to make it appear as if he had a distractor, but he was really just watching Sasaki. She and Tohru would talk and laugh, and she would taunt Yuki and Kyo--gently though, so as not to start another brawl. Every move she made seemed graceful, like a dancer performing a choreographed number. The way she leaned down to set things on the table, the way she stirred the contents of a pot, when she would reach for things on the highest shelf, one the tips of her toes.

Dinner seemed to drag, the clean-up process seemed to take longer than ever, and all because Shigure had something on his mind he had wanted to ask Sasaki about. Finally, Sasaki was able to pick Tohru up and set her on the couch in order to stop her from cleaning up, insisting that she and Shigure would do it. Tohru was very uncomfortable and hesitant, but she eventually relaxed.

They stood together doing dishes, she washing and he drying, an unbeatable pair. He decided he wanted to ask her. No time like the present.

"So, Sasaki... What... What happened... That night?"

He instantly regretted asking the question as a plate slid from Sasaki's hand and crashed to the floor, shattering. Her face was pale and she was now too afraid to move in her bare feet.

"OH NO!" Tohru's voice screamed from the doorway and she, Yuki, and Kyo all scrambled in to help Sasaki.

She refused to let herself cry, but Sasaki still couldn't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. Tohru saw them and instantly began to fret, trying to assure Sasaki that it was only a plate.

"Really, don't worry! I've dropped so many of these, I think I probably should but a new set for them sometime soon! One time Ritsu came over and broke a whole bunch of teacups, and she cried too, but it only made things worse... Oh man, I'm not being very sincere am I?" Tohru began to panic.

Sasaki couldn't help but laugh through her red eyes at Tohru's innocence and kindness.

"No Tohru, thank you for your reassurance. I'm very sorry for breaking the plate, but it's not a big deal. Thank you," she smiled at Tohru, trying to ease her panic.

After a thorough inspection of the floor and an even more thorough inspection of Sasaki to check for any cuts--at Tohru's insistence--Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru returned to the living room to study. Shigure was worried. Sasaki wasn't often clumsy, and she hadn't actually answered his earlier question.

"Let's take a walk," he whispered in Sasaki's ear, leading her out the door.

They meandered silently through the forest for a while, holding one another's hand.

"Sasaki?" Shigure began to ask.

"Shigure, please," she interrupted, attempting to silence him. "I just... I can't..."

With a sigh, she sat down, leaning against a tree just off the path. Shigure stood where he was for a moment, eyeing her warily. Was it that she was afraid to tell anyone, or afraid to tell him? With that question burning his mind, he took a seat next to her, not saying anything. Finally, she spoke.

"Shigure, you don't know what happened the night I was attacked. It was... Absolutely horrifying. I was convinced I was going to die. And, as I was told, it was quite a miracle that I had lived. I hate having to live with the memory of what happened... If it were all memories, that would be bad enough, but... But what he did to me... I'll never forget..." she choked off mid-sentence, unable to finish.

Shigure stared st her, realization hitting him like a bolt of lightning.

"The scars haven't healed yet?" he asked sweetly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Her tears began to fall as she nodded her head. She gripped his hand tightly, like she wanted to make sure that he was still there.

"The doctor I saw in America... She was convinced that I had been raped, gang-banged, actually. But, no matter how many times I tried to convince her, she didn't believe me and always told me to go to a coping clinic. But I wasn't raped!" Sasaki exclaimed as the tears calmed. "Shigure... Akito wouldn't take it... She doesn't want me to take her precious Zodiac from her! What is she going to do when she finds out that I'm back?"

Shigure stared at Sasaki wide eyed.

"Oh, God, did you honestly think I didn't know? I'm a girl. I know when I'm dealing with one," Sasaki rolled her eyes.

"That... That's... When did you find out?" he asked, clearly amazed with her intuition.

"I had my suspicions... But I found out that day... She was falling out a little when she leaned over to whisper something to me..." Sasaki shuddered at the thought of Akito so near to her; if it were up to Sasaki, Akito would never set foot near her again.

"Sasaki... What did Akito say to you?" he questioned, reaching out to stroke her cheek.

"N-no... No, I... I can't," she muttered, not looking at him, curling her knees up towards her body.

"Sasaki," he murmured her name.

She gripped Shigure's hand again, then leaned into him, craving only his touch. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him.

"Sasaki," he said, his voice laced with softness and frankness. "I don't care what Akito said to you, I don't care what she did to you... You're so beautiful to me, inside and out. No matter what she's done, I don't care. Sasaki, I love you."

With that, she burst into sobbing tears against him, gripping her shirt as she did so. Sasaki cried, that was one thing. Never once had Shigure seen Sasaki sob like this. Whatever Akito had done, it had damaged her, and not only physically. Her mind had to have been consimed by this; either that, or she pushed it down as far as it would go and it was just now coming out.

In truth, it was both. In the beginning, Sasaki had pushed all of her pain down deep inside of her where no one could see it. She internalized all of the grief the attack had caused. It had remained under the surface until Sasaki saw Shigure again for the first time.

"Sh-Shigure," she sobbed, "all I e-e-ever cared about... w-was... being beautiful enough f-for y-you. I was afraid... you wouldn't... l-l-love me... b-because of wh-what sh-she did."

"Oh my God... Sasaki... Even if Akito had shaved off all of your hair, sliced your breasts off, force-fed you until you had gained 400 pounds, cut your face to pieces, eaten your eyes out... No matter what she could possibly do to you, I would never think that you weren't beautiful. Because you are my Sasaki, the one I fell in love with, not just because of your looks... I love you, Sasaki!" Shigure exclaimed.

Even through her tears, Sasaki smiled a bit at his comment. Shigure held her tightly, allowing her tears to dry. Neither of them had seemed to realize how long they had been gone, and by the time Shigure returned to their surroundings, it was dark, the light of the moon shining down upon them.

"Sasaki... I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of the hurt I caused you," he whispered in her ear.

She clutched him tighter. Her head snapped up and she was staring him down, her emerald eyes seeming almost dangerous.

"Shut up," she growled.

And with that, she tackled him to the ground, smashing her lips against his. He was shocked at her sudden change in behavior, but began to kiss her back with all of the intensity she was feeding into him. Her fingers tangled roughly in his hair, pulling at it. Shigure wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her more firmly against him. He allowed her tongue to explore the caverns of his mouth, very much enjoying the control she was exerting over him. She sat up, straddling his waist, and stared down at him. The moonlight washed over, bathing her in its glow. higure sat up, leaving her on his lap, her face inches above his. He reached out and slowly began to pull her shirt up.

Sasaki gasped, gripping his hands tightly, trying to stop him from revealing the remnants of that horrible event.

"Shigure," Sasaki breathed.

"Sasaki... Don't push me away... I love you... Sasaki," Shigure whispered, his brown eyes like melted chocolate full of love and sincerity.

Sasaki stared deep into his eyes, searching for anything other than honesty; she found nothing. Her hands loosened their grip on his and he began to gently raise her shirt, up, up, over her head, until it was on the ground beside them. He stared at her bare flesh, now exposed to him for the first time in years. However, her found that he was not aroused. This was not the time or place. In fact, he felt more like he was staring at a priceless work of art rather than something to lust after.

Her skin was indeed marred. Hard welted lines covered her entire front in what he later noticed a sort of star pattern--a bit off kilter in some places, but with a general common center. He could see straggling welts not a part of the pattern from her collarbone down--he assumed--to her breasts, hidden beneath her too-tight bra. Some of the welts had healed over, not just indented lines in her skin; some of them, however, had been too deep to heal over completely and were dark and blotchy. Shigure reached out and began to stroke her stomach with a softness he didn't realize he had in him. He gently traced some of the scars. Then, he leaned down and began to kiss them.

Sasaki had looked away, afraid to see his reaction, until she felt his lips against her stomach. She looked down at Shigure to see him planting soft kisses on her scars. She didn't know what to say, what to do. Her eyes welled up with tears. He still loved her--she could feel it in the gentleness of his touch, the softness of his lips, the tenderness of his kiss. Teardrops fell from her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his head--the only part of his body her short arms could reach--and buried her face in his hair. She could feel his arms wrap around her torso, holding her tightly to him. Sasaki pulled her face away and looked deep into Shigure's eyes.

"I love you," he whispered.

She laid her forehead against his, closing her eyes.

"I love you too," she whispered back.


End file.
